sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
