First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
