you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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