you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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