So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
