I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn victory sex feels great
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
