Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
