You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
