her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
