Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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