Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
