Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
