theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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