I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
