So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
