THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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