i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
