They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
