I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
