One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
