how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
