you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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