I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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