She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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