That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
