Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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