What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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