Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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