Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
