ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
