I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
