Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
