i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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