you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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