In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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