My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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