Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
