the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
