im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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