So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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