you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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