You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
