I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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