dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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