Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
