I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
