he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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