That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
