God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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