No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
