i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
