Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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