you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I touched a dick in church today
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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