Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize