Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
