The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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