Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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