i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
