Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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