oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
