I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
