Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
