Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
