Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
