it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We have started to decorate penises.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
