Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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