Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
