does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
