The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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